Saturday, March 10, 2007

The Attack of the Cybermen II

14. EXT. LONDON STREET (DAY)

A side alleyway off a busy street. Two POLICEMEN are standing on a corner, staring blankly ahead. There is a strange noise, and we hear Lytton’s voice echoing through their minds.

LYTTON (VO)
Delta particle detect in a mile-wide radius sweep of the Rift zone. Now.

The policemen nod and then walk off down the street, their body language indicating they are having a pleasant chat as they do the beat. But they're not saying a word.


15. INT. LYTTON'S ROOM (DAY)

We now see the device resembles the Master's relay unit in Planet of Fire. A circular screen built into the side of the computer shows a fish eye's view of the two policemen's faces.

LYTTON
Rift status?

COMPUTER
Highly unstable.

LYTTON
Show me.

The computer screen shows a wavelength like those given out by a heart monitor - it's jumping all over the place. Lytton shakes his head in disbelief.

LYTTON
What kind of primate have they got on the other end of that?


16. INT. TELOS CONTROL CENTRE (DAY)

A large metallic chamber lined with computer banks and empty conversion units. Our attention is on Proser, working at a console with complicated controls. His eyes dart back and forth, reading streams of data. He grimaces slightly as a metallic hand grips him by the collarbone. The dark, ominous voice of the CONTROLLER rings out, slightly distorted as if over a PA system.

CYBER CONTROLLER (VO)
Are you attempting to delay us, Proser?

PROSER
No, I am not. These calculations are extremely difficult... More than two thousand years differential!

CYBERMAN (VO)
Our calculations state 800 years differential.

CYBER CONTROLLER (VO)
This is correct.

Proser becomes panicky.

PROSER
Ah. Yes. Sorry – I got confused converting to the Tellurian calendar…

CYBER CONTROLLER (VO)
Why do you believe that we are interested in your excuses?

There is a small beeping noise. Immediately the metal hand begins tightening. Proser starts yelling in pain.

PROSER
Arrrgh! What are you doing? Kill me and I can't help you!

CYBER CONTROLLER (VO)
You are not helping us now. You are delaying us. Sabotaging us.

Proser begins working the controls much faster, eyes still looking at his unseen manhandler.

PROSER
No I am not! I'm trying to...!

CYBER CONTROLLER (VO)
Your last test was a failure.

The hand tightens. Proser gasps and struggles to keep the pace up as he adjusts the controls again.

PROSER
I couldn't help that!

The hand tightens. Proser is in too much pain to continue.

PROSER
I COULDN'T HELP THAT!

CYBER CONTROLLER (VO)
WE DO NOT ACCEPT FAILURE.

PROSER
It's almost stable! I... I swear!

CYBER CONTROLLER (VO)
WE DO NOT ACCEPT FAILURE.

Proser is starting to have breathing difficulties. He looks like he's going to faint. He struggles to adjust more controls with shaking hands.

PROSER
It's almost done!

CYBER CONTROLLER (VO)
WE DO NOT ACCEPT FAILURE.

Proser is on the brink of collapse, but as he hits a button a green light appears on the console. Immediately after this the hand lets go of him and he falls down to the floor, coughing and exhausted.

CYBER CONTROLLER (VO)
The rift is now stabilized?

Proser slowly gets to his feet, rubbing his neck in pain.

PROSER
For the moment... it should be. But not in an hour or so. You'll have to institute a program to keep it stable.

CYBER CONTROLLER (VO)
We have already devised one. Your work here is finished.

Proser is suspicious and worried. Not necessarily in that order.

PROSER
You mean if this test's successful?

CYBER CONTROLLER (VO)
No. If it is not succesfull, then your work here is still finished. Permanently.

Proser swallows nervously.


17.EXT. TOTTER'S LANE JUNKYARD (DAY)

It looks remarkably like the Doctor left it - rubbish everywhere, naturally, and we see two RAG AND BONE MEN, possibly descendants of the mighty Pigbin Josh, sifting through the garbage surrounding them. Then suddenly, a weird, screeching noise develops, and soon beings stuttering, and getting faster and faster until... BOOM! There is a white flash and the thundering sound of an explosion, and a sudden wind whips up, knocking the couple onto their backs. Suddenly the TARDIS has appeared in the middle of the yard, has smoke pouring off it, hissing like a piece of hot metal in a cold breeze.


18. INT. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM (DAY)

The room is shaking wildly, both the Doctor and Peri are gripping onto the console for dear life. There is a massive jolt as the TARDIS finally crash-lands, and the lights snap out suddenly. For one or two seconds all we see is a dark, smoke-ridden haze, punctuated by Peri's groaning, and the sound of the Cloister Bell in the distance. Then suddenly a dark, red emergency lighting activates, and we see the Doctor, ungainly wielding a wild fire-extinguisher, spraying it all over the room. Through the smoke, Peri is sprawled on the floor.

DOCTOR
Peri! Peri! Get up!

PERI
Ugh... can barely move...

The Doctor roughly drags her onto her feet.

DOCTOR
You have to! Come on!

PERI
Why?

DOCTOR
WHY?! The whole TARDIS is going to explode!

Peri's fatigue changes to shock.

PERI
What?


19.EXT. TOTTER'S LANE JUNKYARD (DAY)

The two rag and bone men stare aghast as the twin doors flip open and the Doctor runs out, pushing Peri in front of him, and they dive onto the ground. There is an awkward pause as nothing else seems to happen, the silence filled with only the continuing hissing sound. Peri looks back at the TARDIS, groggily.

PERI
I thought you said it was going to blow up?

DOCTOR
Worst case scenario, Peri. Would you rather have been oblivious to the danger we could have been in?

Peri rubs her aching head.

PERI
Oblivion sounds alright right now...

The Doctor stands up and dusts himself down. He sees the two rag and bone men and waves cheerily.

DOCTOR
Oh, hello there! Lovely day for it!

The men run off in terror. The Doctor's face falls.

DOCTOR
What strange behaviour.

He looks down at Peri, who is still lying on the ground.

THE DOCTOR
You ARE alright, aren't you, Peri?

Peri slowly gets to her feet, looking decidedly unamused. She speaks with unconvincing calm.

PERI
Doctor… you said I could name conditions for staying onboard…

DOCTOR
And one of them’s 'never to go upstream in a time rift'?

PERI
Yeah.

DOCTOR
Don’t worry – I’ve been giving that some serious consideration. Now…

PERI
And we’re getting some coffee.

DOCTOR
Are we?

Peri gives him a look.

PERI
Yes. I’ll lead, shall I?

Peri grabs the Doctor’s hand and leads him out of the junkyard, a bit too quickly for his liking.

DOCTOR
You're remarkably confident considering you have no idea where we are!

PERI
Must be the company I keep.


20. EXT. TOTTER'S LANE (DAY)

Two sewer workers, BILL and DAVE, are standing outside their van, facing towards the junkyard gates. They see Peri and the Doctor leaving hand-in-hand.

DAVE
Don't see that often.

BILL
Blimey, talk about the odd couple. Wonder what they were doing in there?

DAVE
And what's he thinkin' with the coat?

Bill shrugs, watching the duo head down the lane and out of sight.

BILL
Ah, there's nothing wrong with a bit of colour here and there.

DAVE
Yes, there is, Bill. Trust me on that - yes, there is.

Bill shakes his head, and finishes his sandwich. He speaks through a mouthful as he pulls out a clipboard.

BILL
Well, not our business anyway. Our business is... yeah, a noise report.

DAVE
What?

BILL
Noise report.

DAVE
That doesn't make much sense.

BILL
Says 'ere... a report of "what sounded like an explosion in the junction of Totter's Lane and Barclay Street". Less than half an hour ago.

DAVE
And we're investigating it?

BILL
Apparently. Probably cause we're the nearest.

Bill blows out his cheeks and drops the clipboard back on the seat of the van.

BILL
And don't ask me what we're looking for - I wouldn't have the foggiest.

Dave takes a swig of coffee from a thermos.

DAVE
Well, er, here's to investigating then, eh?

The two put on their hardhats and cross to the nearest manhole. They open up the manhole, before climbing in. Because of this, they completely fail to notice the two figures dressed as policemen arriving at the junkyard, abandoning their silent conversation.


21. EXT. LONDON STREET (DAY)

Peri still has the Doctor in tow.

PERI
We're in England.

DOCTOR
Does look rather familiar. Do you still want to navigate?

Peri looks around, considering.

PERI
You’d know London pretty well, wouldn’t you?

DOCTOR
What makes you say that?

PERI
The accent. You sound like… aw, what's the name? That propaganda guy from all the World War II films?

The Doctor sneers.

DOCTOR
Lord Haw-Haw?

PERI
Yeah, Lord Haw-Haw! Heh, be careful or I might start calling you that...

DOCTOR
I wouldn't recommend it, Perpugilliam! Now, you wanted a coffee? If this is the part of the city I remember, there should be a nice little cafe a few streets away.

They turn the corner and walk down the main street.

PERI
This is your old neighborhood, is it?

DOCTOR
"He walked by himself and all places were alike to him".

Peri laughs.

PERI
That's not an all-purpose answer, Doctor.

DOCTOR
It works for me.

A moment later, the two policemen emerge from the side street and stare after the retreating time travelers, expressions blank.


22. INT. LYTTON'S ROOM (DAY)

The circular screen shows the diminishing forms of the Doctor and Peri. Lytton presses some controls and a still image of the Doctor and Peri, this time showing their faces, is displayed.

LYTTON
Can you identify them?

COMPUTER
Records of male are sporadic and incomplete, spread over a period of years.

LYTTON
A Time Lord.

COMPUTER
Conjecture has high probability of accuracy.

LYTTON
And a Time Lord who involves himself... narrows the field, I think.

COMPUTER
The female-

LYTTON
Is unimportant.

Lytton presses a few buttons and the bogus policemen appear on his monitor.

LYTTON
Leave those two - get back to his TARDIS.


23. INT. SEWERS (DAY)

As dark, damp and dirty as one would expect. Bill and Dave are walking down a section of the sewer tunnels, shining their torches around, looking for anything vaguely interesting with something of an uncertain air. After a while, Bill spots something.

BILL
Hey, Dave... look at that.

He shines his torch on a black streak running along the wall.

DAVE
Ugh! I don't even want to think about what that could be!

BILL
Don't be an idiot! It's all charred.

DAVE
Charred?

BILL
Yeah.

Bill walks up to it and brushes his hand across it, before looking at his hand. It is black.

BILL
See? Powdery.

DAVE
So there WAS an explosion?

BILL
Seems that way. But only it runs along the wall...

DAVE
Like a fireball?

Bill nods, lost in thought.

DAVE
There's probably a fair bit of methane down here...

Bill sniffs the air.

BILL
Not that much.

Dave rolls his eyes.

DAVE
Well, it'd be burnt off by now, wouldn't it?

Bill says nothing, and follows along the charred streak on the wall. He stops when he comes to what appears to be a heap of burnt and melted metal slag.

BILL
Hey, what's this?

He picks up a piece. It appears to be a mask, with familiar tear-drop indentations below the eye-holes.


24. INT. TELOS CONTROL CENTRE (DAY)

We see a tall, hulking silhouette in a large glass tube, hooked up to various wires. Proser looks at it anxiously, still behind his control desk.

CYBER CONTROLLER (VO)
Beta Test of Temporal Rift Slipstream Exploration Project. Activation in 3... 2... 1...

As the Controller speaks Proser begins punching in a series of commands. The console powers up.


25. INT. SEWERS (DAY)

Bill and Dave are examining the remains of the previous test. Dave is skeptical.

DAVE
It's nothing, mate. Just a heap o' machine parts. Let's get-

There is the thundering noise of an explosion, which shakes the whole tunnel system. Dave and Bill struggle to remain upright, and Dave falls onto the metal slag.

DAVE
Flippin' heck! Gas main?

BILL
No. We're not toast yet... Never heard an explosion like that. I'm going to have a look. You check out that... machine thing. I don't think it's meant to be down here.

DAVE
I don't think we're meant to be down here!

Bill ignores him and walks off. Dave starts picking through the bits of metal.

DAVE
What are you, then, eh? What are... you...

He stops moving suddenly, and slowly pulls out his hand. It is covered in a sickly-white substance, that he stares at in horror. Looking cautiously down, he moves aside some of the metal pieces and begins to gag at whatever he sees. He scrambles away from the pile quickly, a retches up against the wall. Slightly recovered, he closes his eyes and calls out.

DAVE
Bill! It's not just machine parts in there!

There's no response. He leans himself onto the wall breathing deeply, trying to compose himself.

DAVE
Bill?

A shadow falls over him, cautiously he turns around. We see him from the now familiar electronic POV. He screams in terror as two metallic hands clamp around his neck.


26. INT. TELOS CONTROL CENTRE (DAY)

Proser is standing with his arms twisted behind his back and metal hands gripping his shoulders, looking extremely nervous. His eyes are fixed on something off camera.

CYBERMAN (VO)
Beta Test... successful.

Proser is released, and breaths a massive sigh of relief.

CYBER CONTROLLER (VO)
Transport a CyberLeader unit to new outpost. Begin execution of Operation: Terra Mondas. And remove the Fleshman from the control centre.

Proser is hauled out of view.


27. EXT. TOTTER’S LANE JUNKYARD (DAY)

The policemen approach the TARDIS. They raise their hands. Devices shaped vaguely like wrist watches are beeping steadily. Once they reach the police box proper, they switch the detection device in their watches off, and tentatively reach out to push the doors. Unsurprisingly, they have no effect. One of the them reaches into his coat and pulls out a sleek metal rod, and begins pressing buttons on it. It emits some shrill whirring noises, but nothing happens.


28. INT. LYTTON’S ROOM (DAY)

Lytton’s monitor is showing a full-shot of the TARDIS. He looks unimpressed and unsurprised.

LYTTON
If you’re to get inside that thing you’ll need a key from the Doctor. Hide there and wait until given orders otherwise.

Lytton presses a switch, and the screen goes blank. He glances at his own watch and looks irritated.

LYTTON
We’re well past schedule for First Contact.

COMPUTER
Confirmed.


29. INT. SEWER – CONTROL CENTRE (DAY)

The body of Bill lies on the grimy ground, looking peaceful. The camera pans up from and shows a futuristic looking control bank, which looks to have been very recently set up. It contains a monitor and many other controls. An iron hand runs across the controls.


30. INT. THE SEWERS (DAY)

There is a bright orange flash that illuminates the walls, casting large, hulking shadows across them.

CYBERLEADER (VO)
Excellent.


31. INT. LYTTON’S ROOM (DAY)

As before.

LYTTON
Would you be able to patch through a communications-link to the rift zone?

COMPUTER
Due to the nature of the zone any link established will be unstable.

Lytton is getting irritated.

LYTTON
Yes, I know that. What I wanted to know was whether or not you could attempt it.

COMPUTER
I can.

A beat.

LYTTON
Then do so.

Lights flash and the screen fills with roaring static. The interference diminishes, but is still heavy. A vague outline of a face is all that can be perceived. The face's voice is barely auidble through the distortion.

CYBERLEADER (VO)
State purpose of communication.

LYTTON
Can you receive me?

CYBERLEADER (VO)
State purpose of communication.

Lytton speaks slowly and clearly.

LYTTON
Can - you - receive - me?

CYBERLEADER (VO)
State purpose of communication or it will be severed.

LYTTON
I said… oh no..

As he speaks the monitor crackles and changes to images of blue, crystalline humanoid figures, swimming in and out of view due to various distortion effects. They speak in a manner similar to a Greek chorus, or a charity single.

CRYONS
You treat with our enemies, you try to join them!

LYTTON
I do no such thing.

CRYONS
Explain your actions!

LYTTON
I cannot. Leave this channel.

CRYONS
Explain!

LYTTON
Leave!

CRYONS
You may not command us!

Lytton roughly swtiches the controls to turn of the computer. After this is done he rubs his temples and groans softly. Talking to the Cryons seems to have hurt him somehow.


32. INT. LYTTON’S LOCK-UP (DAY)

Payne is back under the car, tinkering with it. His stereo is back on, but softer this time. Griffiths is seated near the workbench, reading the rest of the paper.

PAYNE
What time is it?

Griffiths checks his watch.

GRIFFITHS
Five to.

PAYNE
Shouldn’t that new bloke be here by now?

GRIFFITHS
No. He should have been here twenty minutes ago.

PAYNE
Blimey – nice to know he’s a reliable sort, eh? What’s the geezer’s name?

GRIFFITHS
Vince Russell.

PAYNE
What you make of ‘im, then?

Payne comes out from under the car and stubs out his cigarette, before pulling another one out of the pack almost straight away.

GRIFFITHS
Right prat if you ask me. Not that the Boss did, of course. I don’t care if the bloke is connected, like he says he is, he just don’t have the right attitude.

Payne looks glum.

PAYNE
New school?

GRIFFITHS
If he is, it’s another reason to be glad I’m getting outta the business.

Payne takes a swig from a beer bottle he has set down next to him.

PAYNE
So, you serious about quittin’ then?

GRIFFITHS
Too right I am. This is gonna be me last job. Paid the doctor’s bills some time back. Thanks to our last job, reckon I’ve enough to set the two of us up for life.

PAYNE
You and Mary?

GRIFFITHS
She didn’t return my calls.

PAYNE
Oh. Right. Stephanie?

Griffiths scowls.

GRIFFITHS
I was talking about me mum.

PAYNE
Oh, right. Yeah.

There is an awkward silence.

PAYNE
You know, my sister…

GRIFFITHS
Yeah, I know about your sister!

Payne scowls back at him.

PAYNE
Just a suggestion. So, what’d the boss say, anyway?

GRIFFITHS
About what?

PAYNE
You quitting. You have told him, haven’t you?

GRIFFITHS
Not yet.

Payne laughs – it’s a raspy, cruel sound.

PAYNE
You serious? You’re a nutter, Charlie Griffiths, a downright nutter. He won’t like it.

GRIFFITHS
And how do you know that, mate?

PAYNE
Cos he don’t like anything. Right hard bloke, he is.

Payne grins at his fellow crook.

PAYNE
You’d best tell him before it’s too late.

GRIFFITHS
Or what?

PAYNE
Wouldn’t put nothing past him.

Payne withdraws back under the car.

GRIFFITHS
He’s been very kind to me and my mum.

PAYNE
Cos you’ve been kind to him. This has always been you’re problem, mate. You trust people. Sometimes I wonder if you even realise what sodding business you’re in.

GRIFFITHS
So, what you sayin’? You think he’d kill me?

PAYNE
Like I said. Put nothin’ past him. You ever hear him mention any family, any girls, anyone else at all?

GRIFFITHS
Well... no.

PAYNE
He don’t have nobody. Either that or nobody will have him. And there’s gotta be a reason for that, Charlie. There ain’t nobody normal who does that. So whatever you do, you don’t want to catch him off guard. He might snap, like one of those bloke’s in the films. You know the ones, the mad drug-addled axe-murderer films in the forests -

GRIFFITHS
Don’t watch those sort of films.

PAYNE
I think you’re missing the point, Charlie. I’m just saying, it’s best to tell him now, rather than when you leave.


33. EXT. LONDON STREET CAFE (DAY)

The Doctor and Peri are now seated in al fresco cafe area, looking out onto the road. Peri seems to be taking the time to relax, finally drinking her coffee. The Doctor is tinkering with his latest gadget and does not look up while talking.

DOCTOR
Much nicer place back in the sixties, Peri. Definitely more friendly. That waitress refused to serve me.

PERI
Well, you're wearing that coat for a start.

DOCTOR
This coat that had 1985 English currency to pay for your cappucino deluxe there! And you can talk, you're wearing pink lycra! If that's what's accepted fashion these days, then I intend to avoid this decade from now on. The clothes, haircuts, the greed... It all will get worse before it gets better, mark my words.

PERI
Such optimism. So, anyway, what's the big deal with changing history, Doctor? I mean, isn't that what you do whenever we land somewhere?

DOCTOR
Yes... and no.

PERI
You said it could destroy the universe not too long ago.

DOCTOR
I did indeed.

PERI
But... we just go where we want and it doesn't matter? It doesn't make much sense.

DOCTOR
Nothing makes much sense unless you know the science behind it. And the science of time... well, let's just say it's more than a little complicated. It took me a couple of decades to get it down pat. And you know how extraordinarily clever I am.

Peri laughs.

PERI
Sure. So, I'm just meant to take your word that this is something different because I'm the human and you're the alien. Got ya.

The Doctor sighs and puts down his device, turning to face Peri for the first time.

DOCTOR
You humans always want an explanation, don't you?

PERI
You got that right. I thought that's what you liked about me.

DOCTOR
You weren't interrupting my work before. All right, Miss Brown. An explanation.

The Doctor thinks for a moment.

DOCTOR
All right. There's a hole in your wall, causing a nasty draught, spoiling the look, etcetera. What do you do?

PERI
Patch it up.

DOCTOR
With what?

PERI
Plaster?

DOCTOR
Correct. That way the landlord doesn't find it.

PERI
Yep.

DOCTOR
But, if you were lazy you could just get a piece of plywood and slap that over it, maybe give it a lick of paint to cover. See what I'm saying?

PERI
That you've been in trouble with landlords before?

DOCTOR
No, no, no... well, yes I have, actually, but what I'm TRYING to say is that the TARDIS is plaster of paris. It slips in nice and seamless. Whereas opening a rift through time and space is like...

He flounders for a moment before shrugging.

DOCTOR
...slamming your fist through a wedding cake.

PERI
What kind of metaphor is that?!

The Doctor picks up his gadget, sounding defensive.

DOCTOR
The universe is a beautiful thing. Like a wedding cake.

PERI
Yeah, but it's got nothing to do with landlords and plaster.

The Doctor irritably puts down the gadget.

DOCTOR
Fine, then, I won’t use simile or analogy. That rift is created by a projection of delta particles, an artificially-generated beam particle that is corrosive to the fabric of the continuum, like acid on your flesh. The continuum is self-restoring, but it needs time to do so.

PERI
Wouldn't the continuum have all the time in the world?

The Doctor stares at her.

DOCTOR
That's a joke, isn't it?

PERI
Hey, you're starting to recognize them! Good for you!

DOCTOR
Oh, yes. Excellent news. But now I'll have to wear a corset or be forever in constant danger of my sides splitting.

Peri pushes the Doctor playfully.

PERI
Aw, loosen up. Or is this the real you from now on?

DOCTOR
What do you mean by that?

PERI
You had a fit in the TARDIS.

DOCTOR
I do not have fits!

PERI
No, you have "manic moments of no consequence that get less drammatic and less and less frequent". When you start screaming Shakespearian verse and crash the TARDIS in junkyards. I'm just saying you're not quite as stable as we thought you were.

DOCTOR
Peri, believe it or not, it has been a rather difficult week. Do I take your sudden desire for caffiene as a sign of mental instability?

PERI
Best you don't answer that.

DOCTOR
Fine. We just need a holiday. After we've dealt with our current problem. Now, as I was saying, Delta Particles leave a gap in the continuum...

PERI
That we fell into?

DOCTOR
More or less. Only there is a constant flow of Delta Particles being maintained. Creating a current which pushes us along, like a river.

PERI
Clever.

DOCTOR
No. Clumsy. Slipstream travel is probably the most dangerous and inefficient means of time travel there is.

PERI
Well, I wouldn't call the TARDIS the smoothest ride I've been on, exactly...

DOCTOR
Really? Maybe I should arrange for you to have a trip on this craft when I find it - it will put the whole thing in perspective for you.

Peri stares at him, anxious.

PERI
That's a joke, right?

DOCTOR
For the time being. A-ha! There we go, working perfectly.

He weilds the device, which is now flashing softly.

PERI
What is it?

DOCTOR
A Delta-Particle Displacement Monitor. DPDM, so to speak.

PERI
You mean, a time machine detector?

DOCTOR
That's the idea.

PERI
And… what do we do when we find the ship?

DOCTOR
Peri, thinking that far ahead can only spoil the surprise!

The Doctor looks at the new-built device, which beeps. He shifts around to a point where it begins beeping more and more frequently. Peri finishes her cup as the Doctor rises and walks back and forth for a moment, checking the readings.

DOCTOR
Ah-ha... we've headed completely the wrong way. Back where we landed...

PERI
Wait up!

She runs after him.


34. EXT. LONDON STREETS (DAY)

A black car with tinted windows, driving along slowly, with an unusual device in the centre of the dash board that looks a little like a radar. It is beeping. A man in a plaid jacket and sunglasses called SCOTT is behind the wheel. He speaks into a walkie-talkie.

SCOTT
Pursuing target, in the general direction of Kensington and Chelsea. Over.

to be continued...

8 comments:

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Wow. The edits you've done have really made it a much sleeker script - the new Doctor & Peri stuff is brilliant!

Youth of Australia said...

Phew. I was worried you'd come after me with a knife screaming how perfect it was before I meddled and ruined everything...

No. Wait. That was my boss.

And I felt the TARDIS scenes needed to synch up a bit more with Twin. And the Doctor's little fit needed some kind of commentary.

Still, glad you like it.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Phew. I was worried you'd come after me with a knife screaming how perfect it was before I meddled and ruined everything...

No danger of that. I think everything I've written could use improvement...

And I felt the TARDIS scenes needed to synch up a bit more with Twin. And the Doctor's little fit needed some kind of commentary.

And that the script needed a gratuitous in-joke about Proser saying the gap was "three thousand years". (But, damn it, it worked. Curse your intuitive nature!)

As for the fit, I guess that was down to me misjudging the Doctor's character a bit. I thought that Six was naturally crazy, but in hindsight he isn't really outside of TD. Duplicitous? Yes. Arrogant? Yes. Rude? Yes. Needlessly dramatic? You betcha. But never mad. So thanks for fixing that bit up.

Youth of Australia said...

"No danger of that. I think everything I've written could use improvement..."
I feel something similar about my own work, except it's the nagging suspicion my work was crap and beyond redemption. But I'll show them! I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!
(thunder and lightening)

'And that the script needed a gratuitous in-joke about Proser saying the gap was "three thousand years". (But, damn it, it worked. Curse your intuitive nature!)'
I've said similar things.

'As for the fit, I guess that was down to me misjudging the Doctor's character a bit. I thought that Six was naturally crazy, but in hindsight he isn't really outside of TD.'
There's Mindwarp, but everyone is trying to forget that one...

'Duplicitous? Yes. Arrogant? Yes. Rude? Yes. Needlessly dramatic? You betcha. But never mad.'
Yeah, I think I sort of undercranked those qualities in TD to make him more appealing, but instead I made him a bit generic. When he wasn't going nuts.

"So thanks for fixing that bit up."
No hassle.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

I feel something similar about my own work, except it's the nagging suspicion my work was crap and beyond redemption. But I'll show them! I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!
(thunder and lightening)


The worst I've seen from you is stuff that doesn't quite work - nothing detrimentive.

But let's not start another round of the "No, YOU are the better writer..." modesty war...

There's Mindwarp, but everyone is trying to forget that one...

That's because absolutely no-one has any idea what even happened in that episode.

I mean, what the fuck was going on with that story? What were they THINKING? Oh, let's have a story where the whole idea is that there's a big mystery about what we're seeing is actually real... and then provide absolutely no answers.

Phillip Martin and Eric Saward = narrative poison.

Yeah, I think I sort of undercranked those qualities in TD to make him more appealing, but instead I made him a bit generic. When he wasn't going nuts.

It worked for me. Personally I always try to make the Sixth Doctor likeable without actually being nice. It's quite hard to do, but so far he hasn't come across as being a petty and vindictive arsehole so I think it tops what happened in the scripts on telly.

A big plus to his persona is quite an obvious one - having him be understanding with his companion, and obnoxious to his enemies. As opposed to the other way round.

Youth of Australia said...

"The worst I've seen from you is stuff that doesn't quite work - nothing detrimentive."
Oh well, always let me know about that...

"But let's not start another round of the "No, YOU are the better writer..." modesty war..."
That's the trouble with modesty wars, the winner is the loser...

"That's because absolutely no-one has any idea what even happened in that episode."
I do, but it's because of an incredibly embarassing incident I do not feel brave enough to relate.

Let's just say I have a chance at being the whovian equivalent of the dunce that sits in the corner.

"I mean, what the fuck was going on with that story? What were they THINKING? Oh, let's have a story where the whole idea is that there's a big mystery about what we're seeing is actually real... and then provide absolutely no answers."
The idea was a story. Then a story with falsified evidence. Only Eric Saward knew what it was, but he wouldn't tell anyone.

"Phillip Martin and Eric Saward = narrative poison."
At least Phillip cares...

"It worked for me. Personally I always try to make the Sixth Doctor likeable without actually being nice."
You succeed by the way.

"It's quite hard to do, but so far he hasn't come across as being a petty and vindictive arsehole so I think it tops what happened in the scripts on telly."
Yeah. I hate that "no, no, I'm a pedantic arsehole, so let me lecture while that thing in the air ducts shuffles closer".

AND THAT'S IN A BOB HOLMES STORY!

"A big plus to his persona is quite an obvious one - having him be understanding with his companion, and obnoxious to his enemies. As opposed to the other way round."
Yeah. I go for that a lot.

I also think that with the Fifth Doctor it was a case of:
VILLIAN: You're a useless piece of crap! You can't stop me...
DOCTOR: Yeah, well.... uh...
(some dude commits suicide and saves day)

whereas with the sixth it is:
VILLAIN: You're a useless piece of crap.
DOCTOR: Get fucked, I don't care what you think!
(Doctor saves the day)

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Oh well, always let me know about that...

I'll see what I can do.

I do, but it's because of an incredibly embarassing incident I do not feel brave enough to relate.

Let's just say I have a chance at being the whovian equivalent of the dunce that sits in the corner.


I think I can see where this is going. There's no need to drop that emotional baggage here, son.

The idea was a story. Then a story with falsified evidence. Only Eric Saward knew what it was, but he wouldn't tell anyone.

Yet another reason to love the guy.

At least Phillip cares...

Yeah. Even though I'm not too keen on his stuff, I really can't fault him for his attitude. I mean, the amount of work he put into getting Varos on screen? Incredible!

You succeed by the way.

Aw, shucks.

Yeah. I hate that "no, no, I'm a pedantic arsehole, so let me lecture while that thing in the air ducts shuffles closer".

AND THAT'S IN A BOB HOLMES STORY!


Which was also the nicest he ever was until the inexplicable "Look, I'm nice!" opening scene in Mysterious Planet

Mind you, Holmes also wrote the Second Doctor as someone who endlessly shouted abuse at people... either it was a bad week when he wrote it or he was a little confused...

VILLIAN: You're a useless piece of crap! You can't stop me...
DOCTOR: Yeah, well.... uh...
(some dude commits suicide and saves day)


I know, I like Five but.. jeez... some stories I just wish he'd grow some balls.

VILLAIN: You're a useless piece of crap.
DOCTOR: Get fucked, I don't care what you think!
(Doctor saves the day)


That's the way I like it, too.

Youth of Australia said...

"I think I can see where this is going. There's no need to drop that emotional baggage here, son."

No, I must admit the truth...

I THOUGHT TRIAL OF A TIME LORD ONLY HAD THIRTEEN EPISODES!

THE REST OF FANDOM WERE JUST LYING!

"Yet another reason to love the guy."
Yeah. It must be some kind of balance to proportion his writing talent with his humanity...

"Yeah. Even though I'm not too keen on his stuff, I really can't fault him for his attitude. I mean, the amount of work he put into getting Varos on screen? Incredible!"
It's a freaking tragedy about his big finish story, The Creed of Kromon. He put more work into that than... well... anyone since.

Yet it is now, officially the Shithouse Eighth Doctor story. And they're right.

"Aw, shucks."
You don't get no sugar coating from me, bitch.

"Which was also the nicest he ever was until the inexplicable "Look, I'm nice!" opening scene in Mysterious Planet"
Which when you think about it, is incredibly stupid in a story supposed to be DAMNING EVIDENCE that Doctor Who is AN ARSEHOLE!

"Mind you, Holmes also wrote the Second Doctor as someone who endlessly shouted abuse at people... either it was a bad week when he wrote it or he was a little confused..."
Well, he wrote it for the Third Doctor. And frankly, if I had Eric Saward saying "Yeah, Shockeye, bite the fucking rat's throat out! MAKE IT BLEED!" I might try and get the hell out of the room as fast as I can, bad characterization or no...

Or quite simply, the Doctors got mixed up and it was the Sixth who was sent by the Time Lords and the Second that went to rescue him...

"I know, I like Five but.. jeez... some stories I just wish he'd grow some balls."
To be fair
a) he lost them in Earthshock
b) you met the villains he had to face? One just wanted a trip to Amerstam, others were busy trying to commit suicide, others were junkie leper workers, and the Master... he didn't NEED balls until Season 21.

"That's the way I like it, too."
Phew.