Wednesday, April 4, 2007

The Enemy Within XIII

(RUN OPENING CREDITS)

1. INT. UPPER LANDING (NIGHT)

PERI runs down the corridor and skids to a halt. The COLONEL emerges from a doorway, clutching a shotgun. He aims it at Peri. The rasping voice continues in the background as a giant heatbeat becomes audible, getting faster and faster.

COLONEL
Treacherous lot of you! Soaked in blood, the lot of you! I'll kill you all with terrors unheard of since the days of Appolyon! Do you hear me?

He fires the shotgun. Peri runs for it.

COLONEL
Terrors and fires from the days of Appolyon!

He fires again. PASCOE leers around a corner, stopping Peri in her tracks.

PASCOE
Civilization be damned!

Peri turns and heads for the hallway. TRACEY is coming up the stairs.

TRACEY
Indignant desert birds! Indignant desert birds!

EMILY (VO)
This rough beast, its hour come round at last...

Peri whirls to see EMILY right behind her, arms outstretched.

EMILY (VO)
...slouches towards Bethlehem to be born! To be born! Born in me!

PASCOE
You insolent fools!

COLONEL
I have been too lenient with you! How shall I repay your treachery?

THEODORE and MAURICE head up the stairs.

MAURICE
They're dead! It's the birds! The heralds of the Sphinx!

THEODORE
Obey the will of the Dominus!

The voice is now emerging from all their mouths.

ALL
Become the thing the others fear! Become the Dominus! BECOME THE MASTER!


(FINISH OPENING CREDITS)
(THE ENEMY WITHIN)
(EPISODE FOUR: BROKEN PROMISES)



1. INT. CITY CONTROL CHAMBER (DAY) B&W

The THIRD DOCTOR and the DELGADO MASTER are present in a control room with a screen on the far wall and a curving console facing it. The Delgado Master has his laser in his hand, but does not aim it at the Doctor.

THIRD DOCTOR
So, you intend to hold the universe to ransom?

DELGADO MASTER
Doctor, why don't you come in with me? We're both Time Lords, we're both renegades. We could be masters of the galaxy! Think of it, Doctor.

The Third Doctor starts to scratch his chin, pondering the offer.

DELGADO MASTER
Absolute power! Power for good! Why, you could reign benevolently, you could end wars, suffering, disease. We could save the universe!

The Third Doctor lets out a bitter sigh.

THIRD DOCTOR
No.

The Delgado Master lazily aims his blaster at the Third Doctor.

DELGADO MASTER
Consider carefully, Doctor. I'm offering you a half-share in the universe.

THIRD DOCTOR
NO! I will not join you in your absurd dreams of a galactic conquest!

The Delgado Master can barely contain his confusion.

DELGADO MASTER
WHY?! WHY?!

He turns and adjusts a control. The screen shows star scapes.

DELGADO MASTER
Look at this! Look at all those planetary systems, Doctor! WE could rule them all!

THIRD DOCTOR
What for? What is the point?

DELGADO MASTER
The point is that one must rule or serve! That's a basic law of life!

The Third Doctor sadly shakes his head.

THIRD DOCTOR
You'll never understand, will you? I want to see the universe - not rule it!

DELGADO MASTER
Then I'm very sorry, Doctor.

He aims his blaster at the Doctor.


2. INT. DRAWING ROOM (NIGHT)

The MASTER watches as flames explode from all around the DOCTOR, forming a ring of flame. He instinctively raises his hand to shield himself. The orange flow lights up the room. The flames grow higher and brighter.

MASTER
How many regenerations do you have left, Doctor? Remind me?

The Doctor is barely visible through the flames. Smoke is curling in the air.

DOCTOR
Enough!

MASTER
Let’s put that to the test.

The flames turn white. The Doctor screams out loud. The Master laughs.

MASTER
The flame that burns brightest burns shortest, eh, Doctor? You’ve already lost a life to the burning, regenerating – a life of centuries lost in seconds! How does it feel, Doctor? To open the eyes and be cheated of your immortality!

The Doctor cries out in agony.

MASTER
Final Death approaches closer with every second and still you haven’t found away to escape. Of course, I could save you, but we have to recreate circumstances EXACTLY. So instead I shall just watch as you regenerate again!

Another scream.

MASTER
And another life gone!

DOCTOR (VO)
MASTER! PLEASE! Help me!

MASTER
And another!

The Doctor’s screams are getting louder and longer.

MASTER
And another!

DOCTOR (VO)
PLEASE... MASTER... PITY ME!

Another burning flash. Those keeping count should be worried.

DOCTOR (VO)
WON’T YOU... SHOW MERCY... ON YOUR... OWN...

MASTER
I am the Master. And you? You’re dead!

There is one final, hideous scream from the flames. The fire suddenly extinguishes itself, showing the Doctor – flushed, shaken, but otherwise unharmed. He is also dangerously calm. The Master’s smile vanishes from his face.

MASTER
No! That’s impossible!

DOCTOR
Yes. It is.

The Doctor flings his hand out. An invisible blow slams the Master against the wall.
DOCTOR
Stay down.

The Master grimaces and tries to move. Another gesture floors him.

DOCTOR
I said “stay”.

The Master’s fear becomes amusement.

MASTER
Such ruthlessness! Tormenting a helpless foe! No mercy, no compassion. Just darkness and violence, seductive and enjoyable. Fascinating... do you even know how you’ve changed? What you’ve become?

DOCTOR
Do you honestly want to find out?

MASTER
Are you going to torment a defenseless opponent when your pet is in danger?

The Doctor smiles sinisterly and steps over to the Master.

DOCTOR
Well, when it comes to mindless sadism, I did learn from the best...

The Master’s smug expression starts to falter.


3. INT. UPPER LANDING (NIGHT)

Peri is slowly backing up against the wall as the inhabitants close in around her.

MAURICE
Sing out, ye fallen angels! The serpent has returned to the garden!

PASCOE
Kill her! Put her out of her misery and send her to a better place!

PERI
What the hell is WRONG with you people!

TRACEY
Nothing is wrong with us! Not any more!

COLONEL
We can see clearly the lies of morality and can truly be alive!

PERI
You're all out of your minds, you mean!

PASCOE
How rude...

EMILY
She’s an American. Americans are always rude.

PASCOE
They take what they want with no regard for anyone else.

COLONEL
But isn’t that how the world works?

Pascoe looms closer to Peri, who now has nowhere to run.

PASCOE
You’ve been very rude.

PERI
Well... Sorry.

Peri ducks Pascoe as he tries to backhand her.

EMILY
We don’t abide rudeness.

PASCOE
Let us punish her.

Peri manages to scramble past Pascoe, only to find herself caught by Theodore and Maurice who have hungry, feral grins.

PERI
Keep BACK.

EMILY
Poor little girl doesn’t see the truth the way we do?

PERI
You bet I don’t.

TRACEY
How do you cope? Living each second so blind?

THEODORE
You must be in such pain.

PASCOE
Then we must show her mercy.

He advances, holding a very sharp knife in his right hand.

PASCOE
See how it glints in the moonlight?

PERI
Please. Don’t.

TRACEY
Why?

PERI
Cause I so wanted more practice before I did THIS!

She lunges forward, clamping her left hand over Pascoe’s right shoulder, pulling his arm forward. With her free hand, she grabs his right wrist and pushes it back, twisting his arm behind his back. The flailing blade slashes through the back of his black jacket and Pascoe howls, letting go. Peri releases his shoulder and snatches the knife, kicking Pascoe into the others. She is breathless and excited by the attack.

PERI
Well, whattayaknow? It works on Venus AND it works here.

COLONEL
You should have killed him.

PERI
No one tells me what to do, Colonel. Now I have a very sharp knife – maybe the one that did in that poor fox. You guys are unarmed, because, in case you were too busy being possessed by the devil to notice, you’re out of bullets. Now if you guys really don’t care if you live or die, feel free to come over here and I’ll turn you into fishbait!

Pascoe is getting to his feet with difficulty.

PASCOE
Satan! I'll kill you first! Satan, take her!

He charges Peri, who steps aside. Pascoe crashes into the bannister, and Peri smacks him on the back, flipping him over. He falls with a scream.

PERI
And that’s one nil to the girl from Pasadena with the VERY sharp knife. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to find my friend. You wierdoes can stay here and be nihilistic.

She holds out the knife. The others stay where they are, watching her.

MAURICE
It doesn’t have to be this way, Perpuguillium. You could join us.

TRACEY
We don’t feel anything.

EMILY
No guilt.

THEODORE
No pain.

COLONEL
No fear of anything. Any more!

MAURICE
Surrender to your own, private Dominus.

Peri pouts in that cute way she does.

PERI
Aw, but that’d take all the fun out of it. Seeya!

She jumps past them and runs for the staircase.

TRACEY
Join us, Peri! See the truth and the universe can be ours!


4. MONTAGE

{{Interspersed with this is footage from THE SEA DEVILS and THE KING’S DEMONS as the respective Doctors and Masters sword fight, cutting back to the Doctor and the Master sword fighting, mingled with the Ghosts swordfighting.}}

The Doctor holds a ceremonial army blade. The Master has an identical one.

MASTER
Are you going to enlighten to me as to how you escaped?

DOCTOR
Knowledge can’t be given, it must be acquired.

The Doctor lunges forward and slashes down. The Master easily avoids the thrust, and the Doctor brings the hilt up hard against the back of the Master’s head. He stumbles reeling and the Doctor moves in for the kill.

The Second Ghost manages to slash out, forcing the First Ghost back.

SECOND GHOST
Indulge me.

FIRST GHOST
If you want. You see, your little experiment did not recreate the situation perfectly.

SECOND GHOST
Oh dear, you mean it would have just killed you? I’m SO terribly sorry!

The Second Ghost thrusts at the First with his sword, but he parries and swings around with a thrust of his own, which is also parried. They clash blades several times.

The Doctor ducks a wide arcing swing from the Master. They face off again and trade one thrust and parry after another. The Master tries another arcing swing from above, but the Doctor easily ducks and sidesteps out of the way.

DOCTOR
On Sarn you were standing in that mini-TARDIS of yours, with the psionic relay you were using on poor Kamelion. So, imagine your state of mind when the flames claimed you. All those thoughts screaming inside your head, would have been detected, recorded and broadcast.

They trade a few more blows.

MASTER
Took you long enough to work out, Doctor, but you always were slow on the uptake.

DOCTOR
Like the Mills of the Gods, my mind works exceedingly slow but exceedingly fine.

MASTER
One out of two isn’t too bad, Doctor.

The Master tries a swing from above a third time.

The First Ghost ducks it and escapes to the side. He jumps onto the couch and swings at the Second Ghost again. He parries, and swings at the First Ghost’s legs. He jumps up and over his blade and lands on the floor.

FIRST GHOST
And what would happen to those thoughts once the real Master was scorched out of existence? Why, what else? They coalesce into their own sentience!

The Second Ghost slashes below at the First Ghost’s legs again, but the other blade blocks the attempt.

SECOND GHOST
Which is beamed into the waiting TARDIS which left Sarn before the holocaust.

FIRST GHOST
Very clever. So, effectively, you really ARE a ghost.

SECOND GHOST
As I have said all along.

FIRST GHOST
Did I doubt you? Naughty Doctor!

Again they trade several swings, and the Second Ghost tries a wide swing again, and this time cuts the First superficially on the arm. The Second Ghost tries to take advantage of his distraction and attacks with his sword held high, intending to swing from above, but he drops to the floor and rolls out of the way, so he only manages to smash a bowl on a table behind him.

The Doctor kicks the Master’s legs out from under him and scrambles back up. The Master turns to face him while the Doctor is still on his knees and swings three times in rapid succession, all of which the Time Lord parries.

DOCTOR
So you went to Earth, downloaded yourself into Daniel and then crash-materialized your TARDIS, causing the time distortion that drew me here. Have I left anything out?

MASTER
I’ll let you know.

The Master swings a fourth time, and this time the Doctor knocks his sword into the table with her parry and pins it there. The Master backhand punches the Doctor in the face, and he spins away, reeling as the Master pulls the sword from the table.

MASTER
But you haven’t answered my question.

The Master swings the sword hard the Doctor, who blocks it.

The First Ghost kicks the Second in stomach, causing him to double over.

FIRST GHOST
I am getting to that, I just wanted to establish the facts.

The First Ghost ducks around the Second who whirls and thrusts. The First Ghost parries and kicks at the Second’s arm. He staggers back.

FIRST GHOST
My next clue, Watson, was the strange recurrence of a poem by William Butler Yeats called The Second Coming. Hardly the usual ditty you hum to yourself, is it, Master?

The Master slowly advances on the Doctor.

MASTER
No, but it loomed large in the human’s subconscious.

DOCTOR
Exactly. So large it spilled over into your mind when you took possession, so to speak. It’s debatable how much of you is the real Master in the first place, since you’re a recording. But now diluted. Diluted with Daniel Fford-Jones!

MASTER
Oh, is THAT it’s name?

He thrusts. The Doctor parries, swings round, blocks the Master again. The Master hurls his weight forward, throwing the Doctor back into a chair where he again blocks the blade a further three times. {{The bit where Third Doctor kicks the Delgado Master away while in a similar moment occurs here.}}

The Ghosts are circling, swords drawn.

FIRST GHOST
But you’re not just a mix of Daniel and Master anymore, are you?

SECOND GHOST
You tell me.

FIRST GHOST
Now there’s quite a bit of me in there.

SECOND GHOST
You’ll put me off my game at this rate.

FIRST GHOST
Oh, I do hope so!

The First Ghost swings at the Second, who ducks. The sword skewers the wall. The Second Ghost tackles the First, tearing him free from the sword. The First Ghost trips over a low table and crashes to the floor before the fireplace.

The Doctor sits up. The Master’s blade is close to his face.

MASTER
So how did you escape the trap? Tap into the energy that was yours and tip the balance?

The Doctor shuffles back away from the blade that follows him.

DOCTOR
To cut a long story short, yes. Rather clever, I thought. Especially as the fact you were so diluted means that MY energy...

He ducks as the blade slashes for the top of his head.

DOCTOR
...is in the majority!

The Second Ghost is now the one holding the blade. The Doctor is now in a corner.

SECOND GHOST
It’s not doing you much good now, is it, old friend? You’ve used all you’ve got. Your TARDIS is indisposed trying to repair the continuum. Your loyal companions either dead or deserted you, leaving you with that pathetic girl who even now is running around this mansion her only thought to delay her inevitable demise. You have no weapons. No backup. No chance of survival.

DOCTOR
Well, now, are we talking about me or about you?

SECOND GHOST
Who can tell?

FIRST GHOST
*I* can tell and I’m telling you... that this is over.

MASTER
I couldn’t agree more.

The Master draws the sword back and thrusts it directly at the First Ghost’s face. As the blade slices towards him, he becomes the Doctor whose hand moves out, fingers spread in front of the blade. It stops before touching his skin. The Second Ghost grips it, anxiety making him perspire. He is using all his strength but cannot move the sword any further.

DOCTOR
You were wrong in one vital respect. I wasn’t lying about what I did.

The Doctor shoves forward. The force flings the Master across the room, crashing into a couple of couches before striking the window with enough force to shatter the glass. The Second Ghost manages to keep his balance and, as if fighting a strong breeze, lurches over to the Doctor and thrusts. The Doctor parries, exchanging several blows as they block each other.

The Doctor spins around and swings his sword down at the Master from above.

The Second Ghost holds up his own sword to block, but the First hits it hard and he falls to one knee. The First Ghost swings again, and the Second blocks.

The Doctor spins around with a gesture that forces the Master to the ground.

The Second Ghost tries again and this time is sent flying across the room.

The Master hits the wall and rolls to a stop. He struggles to his feet, and the Doctor gestures again. The Master is smashes against the wall. He drops his sword.

The Second Ghost slumps, exhausted. The First stands over him.

{{THIRD DOCTOR
How many times have I told you? Violence will never get you anywhere.}}

The Sixth Doctor strides away from the crumpled body of the Master, face dark.


5. INT. SHORT CORRIDOR (NIGHT)

Peri runs down the corridor, holding her knife. She turns a corner that ends in a window and a door on either side that is locked. She tries them and bangs her fist against the wall in frustration.

PERI
Great! Dead end.

Behind her, Daniel is tossing a cricket ball up in the air and catches it.

DANIEL
In more ways than one.

PERI
Oh, go into the Light already!

DANIEL
The Light? You really think the Light exists?

PERI
Don’t know, don’t care.

DANIEL
When someone dies, as their brain shuts down, it causes tunnel vision. The Light, as you call it, is a physical condition caused by dying brain cells. It has nothing to do with the afterlife.

Peri walks back down the corridor. Daniel follows.

DANIEL
Besides, what would you expect in “the Light”? Old friends? Old enemies? Those who had died before? And once you arrive and say hello, what then? What happens then? You’d be bored rigid in a few weeks. You call that Heaven? I call it Hell!

PERI
LEAVE ME ALONE!

She storms off. Daniel watches her go, mildly surprised at her fury. He delves into his jacket pocket and pulls out a sprig of celery.

DANIEL
Damned colonials. So uptight.

He takes a rueful bite of the celery.


6. PANOPTICON VAULT (NIGHT) B&W

A green, vaulted chamber. Three slabs face a staircase leading up. Two of these hold dead Time Lords in ceremonial robes, faces covered by cloth. CASTELLAN SPANDRELL rushes in, followed by the FOURTH DOCTOR – not wearing his usual attire – and COORDINATOR ENGIN.

SPANDRELL
Hilred? The Master... he’s gone!

The trio warily approach the empty slab. They see, on the floor next to the slab, the miniaturized, doll-sized corpse of a Chancellery Guard. The older Time Lords are horrified, but Doctor looks down at the tiny corpse, grimly.

SPANDRELL
Look...

ENGIN
Amazing...

FOURTH DOCTOR
The Master is consumed by hatred. It’s his one great weakness.

A chuckle from the shadows.

PRATT MASTER (VO)
That is where you are wrong...

They whirl around. Emerging from the shadows is the PRATT MASTER, or what is left of him. A scalded, emaciated skeleton in a shriveled cloak, a chunky blast blaster in one claw. He regards the group with bulging yellow eyes.

PRATT MASTER
Weakness, Doctor? Hatred is STRENGTH!

FOURTH DOCTOR
Not in your case – you’d delay an execution to pull the wings off a fly.

PRATT MASTER
This time, Doctor, the execution will NOT be delayed.

Spandrell’s hand creeps for his gun. The Pratt Master whirls to aim the blaster at him.

PRATT MASTER
Castellan – I assure you I am not nearly so infirm as I look. YOU!

He aims the gun now at Engin, who is behind them. The old man flinches in fright.

PRATT MASTER
Bring me the Sash of Rassilon. Oh, yes, Doctor. Why else do you think I feigned death? When Goth failed me, it was necessary to use more direct means. But the Sash is wasted on our DEAD FRIEND, don’t you think so? Bring it to me!

Engin shuffles over the furthermost corpse and moves for the golden sash around its neck. The Doctor keeps his eyes locked on the Master.

FOURTH DOCTOR
Don’t do it, Engin.

Engin hesitates.

PRATT MASTER
A stupid remark, Doctor. Resistance is... futile now.

Engin glumly reaches out to the sash once more.

FOURTH DOCTOR
DON’T GIVE HIM THE SASH, ENGIN!

Engin stops. Furious, the Pratt Master shuffles closer to the Fourth Doctor.

PRATT MASTER
I have suffered LONG ENOUGH from your stupid, stubborn interference in my designs! Now we are coming to the end of our conflict!

He aims the blaster at the Fourth Doctor’s head. Taking his chance, Spandrell lunges forward. Instantly, the Pratt Master shoots him down. There is a cross-bolt of white light and Spandrell falls back to the ground. Neither the Fourth Doctor nor the Pratt Master have broken eye contact, or even noticed Spandrell fall.

FOURTH DOCTOR
Why have you brought me here?

PRATT MASTER
As a scapegoat – for the killing of the President! Who else but YOU, Doctor? So despicably good, so INSUFFERABLY compassionate! I wanted you die in ignominious shame and disgrace...

Seemingly unable to control his anger, the Pratt Master opens fire. The Fourth Doctor spins, reels and crashes to the floor beside Spandrell’s body. The skeletal form whirls to face the now terrified Engin.

PRATT MASTER
Now do as I say, Coordinator – or YOU get the same!

Shaking, Engin removes the Sash from the corpse and hands it to the Pratt Master, who casually flips it over his shoulder and shuffles backwards towards the stairs. He glances down at the prone bodies and chuckles, shaking his skull-like head.

PRATT MASTER
They’re not dead... Stunned! They’ll live long enough to see the end of this accursed planet! And for the Doctor to taste the full bitterness of his DEFEAT!

- to be continued...

4 comments:

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Great stuff again, but is there a line missing here:

COLONEL
We can see clearly the lies of morality and can truly be alive!

PASCOE
How rude...


And I like the mention of King's Demons. It gets panned but I actually thought its swordfight was much better than the one in TCI.

Youth of Australia said...

There wasn't, as I wanted to emphasize that each of the family were lost in their own little insane world and not necessarily listening to each other. But... maybe it needs fixing.

The King's Demons is great when you know the following:
1) It was supposed to lead directly into Resurrection, hence the abrupt change of plot
2) When the Master uncloaks at the end of part one, only the Doctor can see it (Tegan only twigs cause of the TCE). This is why all the natives don't twig Giles and the Master are the same
3) The Master is roadtesting Kamelion. Magna Carta is NOT his evil master plan.

As for the sword fight, it was meant for a different audience - TCI is for half-drunk, bored viewers trying to stay awake.

Every Doctor needs a good sword fight. That's the main reason I bitch about Eccleston leaving before he swashbuckled...

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

1) It was supposed to lead directly into Resurrection, hence the abrupt change of plot

Ah. Didn't know that one... knew the other two, though.

3) The Master is roadtesting Kamelion. Magna Carta is NOT his evil master plan.

I'm constantly baffled at peoples' inability to notice something flatly stated in the dialogue. Like all those people who think the whole power plant's blowing up at the end of Axos...

As for the sword fight, it was meant for a different audience - TCI is for half-drunk, bored viewers trying to stay awake.

So THAT's why it didn't need decent editing...

Every Doctor needs a good sword fight. That's the main reason I bitch about Eccleston leaving before he swashbuckled...

Hmmm... let's see...

Hartnell - The Crusade? The Romans? One of them...
Perters - Like, every second story
T. Baker - Androids of Tara
Davison - The King's Demons
McCoy - erm, Battlefield? Or Greatest Show? He holds swords, anyway...
PMG - I'm sure it would have happened in one of his 8 million BF stories...

I can't recall any on the part of either The Trout or Colin (but I guess that's the one you're trying to rectify).

As for Eccleston's Doctor, I can't imagine him swordfighting. I can see him waggling the sword about like an idiot going "Ooh, look at me, Rose! I'm Orlando Bloom! Watch me `ave at this right prat!" before throwing the sword away and saying "Actually - nah! I've had it with this game. Can we play cowboys and indians instead, Mr Insane Alien Killer?"

And that would suck.

Youth of Australia said...

Ah. Didn't know that one... knew the other two, though.
You think the Kamelion plot in Warhead was all my idea? Damn it! I shoulda kept quiet...

I'm constantly baffled at peoples' inability to notice something flatly stated in the dialogue.
Like the Master being the War Chief... that bit from Terror of the Autons was all R Holmes, not me. WHO DO THEY THINK IT REFERRED TO?!

Like all those people who think the whole power plant's blowing up at the end of Axos...
I just don't get the fact they have to chat inside the ruined building afterwards...

So THAT's why it didn't need decent editing...
Pretty much.

Hmmm... let's see...
Hartnell - The Crusade? The Romans? One of them...

Both. Course, Ian got more action.

Perters - Like, every second story
Up till Monster of Peladon.

T. Baker - Androids of Tara
And Masque of Mandragora.

Davison - The King's Demons
McCoy - erm, Battlefield? Or Greatest Show? He holds swords, anyway...

Yeah... hard to say, now I THINK about it...

PMG - I'm sure it would have happened in one of his 8 million BF stories...
Seasons of Fear is the only one I can think of... but as he does it in every episode... And his first comic strip story, Endgame.

I can't recall any on the part of either The Trout or Colin (but I guess that's the one you're trying to rectify).
Colin had a sword fight in a stage play, but yeah. That's what I'm doing.

The Second Doctor mentions he got injured in a sword fight at Egypt (when he actually learned how to fight with swords). And he plays one in the Mind Robber, Highlanders, Evil of the Daleks. But he doesn't have a fight. That's what Jamie is for!

As for Eccleston's Doctor, I can't imagine him swordfighting.
No. That's the trouble.

I can see him waggling the sword about like an idiot going "Ooh, look at me, Rose! I'm Orlando Bloom! Watch me `ave at this right prat!" before throwing the sword away and saying "Actually - nah! I've had it with this game. Can we play cowboys and indians instead, Mr Insane Alien Killer?"
I can't. I can imagine him skewering his enemy and then storming off sulkily, though.