The Apocalypse II

17. INT. GUARD ROOM (DAY)

The screen showing that corridor turns to static.

SPENCER
Christ, not again!


18. INT. CORRIDOR (DAY)

The Figure moves out of view. The security camera starts flashing again.


14. INT. GUARD ROOM (DAY)

The picture rapidly returns to normal – showing the now empty corridor.

SPENCER
Bizarre.

Andrew re enters.

ANDREWS
What is it?

SPENCER
They blanked out again, but came back on line straight away.

TITO
Brown out?

ANDREWS
Maybe. Maybe the storm’s taken down a power line?

SPENCER
There aren’t any power lines up there, Sarge.

Beat.

ANDREWS
Spencer, remind me to explain the concept of humor to you one day.


19. INT. APARTMENT (DAY)

An art deco apartment with lots of couches and rugs. The wall paper clashes with the carpets, the carpets with the furniture, the furniture with ceiling, and everything is tacky. An idiotic looking man in a dressing gown, NIGEL, is pacing up and down. Sitting on the sofa is DAVE, a man in a trenchcoat drinking from a bottle of port. Nearby is a wide-eyed blond man in a singlet, ANDREW. Canned laughter is heard.

NIGEL
Christmas. Another year gone. Fan-freaking-tastic. I should be out there, living life, doing things - I should be frolicking on a beach with girls just turned to women, eating foreign foods, riding camels, taking part in diabolic black magic ceremonies... And what am I doing? Huh? Nothing. Stuck here in this miserable rat trap with the two biggest idiots since King Havoc the Imbecile and his inbred half-cousin. It's not fair.

ANDREW
Well, since you've done absolutely nothing to leave here, it does make a kind of sense, cosmically speaking.

NIGEL
I have done things, Andrew... it's just all of them to a man have collapsed with sickeningly unpredictable irony into a mess of comic misunderstandings. And that was just yesterday... no, I know what I'll do. I'll go onto a gameshow, get a fortune and become rich and famous.

DAVE
You'd have to win at the gameshow, surely.

Nigel rolls his eyes and twirls like a prima donna.

NIGEL
Of course I'd win it.

DAVE
How? You can't even spell 'general knowledge'.

NIGEL
Honestly, Dave, spelling is nothing. My cunning is... beyond cunning!

Andrew looks at camera and sighs.

NIGEL
Belay that irritating sighing, Andrew, because I can prove how amazing I am easily. Go on, Dave. Test my general knowledge. Ask my any question.

Dave rolls his eyes.

DAVE
All right then, Nige. How many planets are there in the solar system?

NIGEL
Nine!

ANDREW
Nope.

Nigel remains pleasant.

NIGEL
It bloody is, you ignoramus.

ANDREW
Nope. It’s ten.

NIGEL
Restal! Kindly explain to Brain Donor here HOW many planets there are?

DAVE
There are ten, Nigel. Don’t you watch the news?

NIGEL
No, I’m far too busy basking in my own magnificence. You mean, we’ve got an extra planet?

ANDREW
Yes.

NIGEL
Where did it come from? Was it something to do with a recession or something?

DAVE
No idea, man. Just came flying into the neighborhood one day.

ANDREW
It’s probably your ego got loose again. Couldn’t fit on one planet so it needed another.

Nigel sneers.

NIGEL
Oh, very amusing, Andrew... actually.... that is a BRILLIANT idea!

ANDREW
What is it now?

NIGEL
My uncle had a star named after him, all you need to do is make a ludicrously-huge cash donation to ISC and they'll do that! That is what I will do! Forget Christmas, forget gameshows, who cares? I shall have a whole planet named after me. The planet... Nigel!

He speaks with awe. The others exchange weary looks.

NIGEL
No, even better, the planet... Verkoff! No, dare I even to dream... The Big N! Think of it! A handle into the public consciousness like no other - a whole planet named after me. Jupiter, Saturn... er, the One After Saturn, the One After The One After Saturn, Pluto and most amazing of all... the Big N! What mortal mind may comprehend such incredibility!

DAVE
I think I've found the one fatal flaw in your plan, Nige. The new planet has already got a name.

NIGEL
As good as the Big N?

ANDREW
Your definition of good slips further down into a black hole every time you breathe in, Nigella.

NIGEL
And what is the name of this tenth planet, hmm? Yuggoth? Kalki? Hestia? Ultra Meta? Lucifer? Vulcan? Hmm? And what could be better than for the planet past Pluto to be called Mickey?

Andrew speaks patronizingly to camera.

ANDREW
The tenth planet’s official name is Nibiru.

Nigel looks disgusted.

NIGEL
“Nibiru”?! “Ni-beh-roooh”?! THAT is the best they can come up with?!

ANDREW
Well, as they didn’t choose your retarded name for it, we can only applaud.

NIGEL
I'm storing all this up, you know, Andy. All of it. And one day, completely out of the blue, I'm just going to snap and do to you something so spectacularly unpleasant it'll make Wagner's Ring Cycle sound like bubblegum music! AND NOTHING IN THE WORLD CAN STOP ME NOW!!!

With a loud creak, the plastic Christmas tree in the corner suddenly falls over on top of Nigel, crushing him and dragging the Christmas lights with it. That, in turn, knocks over everything in the room that was upright. Andrew and Dave do not react in any way at all. A long pause before Nigel's muffled voice is heard.

NIGEL (VO)
Uh, a little help here? Hello?


20. INT. GUARD ROOM (DAY)

The other three guards have left. Tito is dozing as he rests the open comic over his eyes. Spencer is checking through the monitors, showing different sets of corridors. Finally, one picture shows Polly in the corridor, followed by Ben and the Doctor. Spencer stares, at a loss for words.

SPENCER
Saints preserve us... Tito! Wake up!

Tito doesn’t move.

TITO
Aw, what is it?

SPENCER
Get up! Either I’m going crazy...

TITO
Probably.

SPENCER
...or we have intruders.

TITO
Aw, no, you gotta be kidding with me!

Nevertheless, he jumps up from the bed, shaking himself awake.

TITO
They’re not near the silo, are they?

Spencer gnaws his fist.

SPENCER
At the edge of the section.

TITO
We gotta tell the Sarge. You get the small arms and tell the others...

SPENCER
Uh-oh.

Tito pauses in the doorway.

TITO
Don’t say uh-oh.

Spencer points to another monitor. Andrews is shown walking down a corridor.


21. INT. CORRIDOR (DAY)

The trio move down a corridor. Polly looks around warily.

POLLY
Still no sign of anyone. Maybe we should go back to the TARDIS?

BEN
Come on, Poll, it’ll all be...

Andrews turns a corner and starts as she sees them. The others are mildly shocked at her sudden appearance.

BEN
...all right.

She pulls the pistol from her shoulder holster.

ANDREWS
You three! Don’t move! Hands in the air!

The Doctor smiles as Andrews aims the gun at them.

DOCTOR
Ah, madam, I...

ANDREWS
HANDS UP!

The Doctor sniffs, but complies. Ben and Polly do also.

POLLY
Sorry if we’re intruding...

ANDREWS
“Intruding”? Where the hell did you three come from?

BEN
Uh, the entrance bay.

Andrews is even more incredulous.

ANDREWS
What? You just WALKED in?

DOCTOR
Not quite...

ANDREWS
Any more of you?

DOCTOR
There are only the three of us, madam, and may I...

Andrews, keeping her gun trained on the trio, reaches out to a control on the wall – one of many on walls in the base – and presses it. It pulses red and a harsh klaxon starts grating in the background. Polly moves to cover her ears.

ANDREWS
I said hands up, Goldilocks!

POLLY
But that noise...

ANDREWS
Deal with it!

BEN
Hey, leave her alone...

Andrews moves closer, training the gun on Ben. He realizes she’s serious and looks her in the eye.

BEN
We’ll come quietly.

ANDREWS
You will if you know what’s good for you.

Spencer, Tito and three other guards run down the corridor towards the group. They are all armed. Andrews moves aside to let them surround the TARDIS crew.

ANDREWS
What took you people so long?

SPENCER
I was checking the circuit, they just appeared out of nowhere...

ANDREWS
You want to explain that to Cutler? Go ahead!

She stabs the control again and while the light flashes continue the siren cuts out.

ANDREWS
Take them to security and I want them searched.

TITO
Got you, Sarge.

ANDREWS
And then give them a quick check for radiation.

BEN
Eh? Radiation? What radiation?

ANDREWS
You’re standing above the Zee Bomb, sailor! You people like walking around nuclear warheads dressed for a picnic? Now get moving!

POLLY
The Zee Bomb?

DOCTOR
Zed. Yes, I remember now.

Polly, unused to having guns pointed at her, glares at him.

POLLY
Oh do you? Better late than never...

ANDREWS
And keep quiet while you’re at it!

The guards shuffle the party off. Spencer turns to Andrews.

SPENCER
I checked the whole system. No break ins, no faults, nothing! We are secure!

ANDREWS
Three weirdoes turn up out of nowhere, and they’re not even frostbitten!

SPENCER
I can’t explain it, Sarge! All I know is what the computer says, and it says this place it locked up tighter than Fort Knox!

ANDREWS
Good. Then you CAN explain to the CO why one of the three most secure installation on the entire Earth has been compromised by two teenagers and their granddad! Move!

Spencer swallows and moves off. Andrews follows. A few moments later, we see a shape – clearly a hand beneath a cloak – move around the corner of the corridor behind them. The hooded head and the glowing red eye emerge for a moment, then the Figure shuffles into the shadows.


22. MODEL SHOT

We see the blunt-shaped space capsule high above the Earth. We pan upwards, isolating the capsule. Then above it, we see another planet, that looks like Earth.

BLUEY (VO)
Zeus Five to Snowcap. All survey systems now activated.


23. INT. ZEUS FIVE (NIGHT)

As before. Bluey checks the instruments above his head.

BLUEY
It’s just like Earth. I mean, JUST like it.

TERRI
Not exactly, Bluey. See down there? The Nibiru Atlantic is still frozen over, and half the planet is buried in ice.

BLUEY
No sign of civilization.

TERRI
Maybe it’s under the ice? Nibiru froze over one day and everything was preserved?

GLYN
Won’t be preserved much longer. Chances are, tomorrow it’ll be a handful of crumbly rock and a hunk of vapor.

TERRI
But if there are people down there...

GLYN
Then they’re frozen solid. Nothing remotely human could survive on that rock.

The light inside the capsule increases for a moment.

BLUEY
What’s that light?


24. MODEL SHOT

The capsule is hovering over the other planet. A shining glow illuminates a patch of the continent directly below/above it.


25. INT. ZEUS FIVE (NIGHT)

The astronauts check their displays frantically.

BLUEY
It’s something on the surface.

GLYN
Probably just a reflection.

TERRI
No. He’s right. Somewhere down there, the country that looks like America. Beams of light, they’re shining...

The light inside the capsule dims to normal again.

GLYN
Whatever it is, it’s gone now.


26. MODEL SHOT

The capsule is closer to the planet. There is no light.


27. INT. GUARD ROOM (DAY)

Tito, Spencer and another guard usher the Doctor, Ben and Polly inside.

TITO
OK, come on, move, ivante, ivante, svarro.

DOCTOR
Please, stop that!

SPENCER
Right. Against the wall. Tito, check them over.

Tito doesn’t look keen.

TITO
You sure they’re not radioactive?

POLLY
We went through that decontamination place of yours, didn’t we?

SPENCER
Get on with it, Tito!

Tito frisks Ben, then the Doctor.

SPENCER
How did you people get out here, anyway?

POLLY
Well, we just landed in a sort of... spaceship, actually.

Tito laughs.

SPENCER
Very funny, lass, but this is not the time for jokes.

BEN
She’s not joking.

SPENCER
Now, now, boyo. You start telling the truth now, things will be a lot nicer in the long run. You’re in serious trouble, trespassing out here. And there’s no way you could have got in here by accident.

Tito frisks Polly awkwardly, then stands up.

TITO
Mama Mia, bellissima! Oh, Dio, ho bisogno di una doccia fredda proprio ora...

The Doctor stares at him.

DOCTOR
I think he likes you, my dear.

POLLY
Yes, I got that impression, thanks.

SPENCER
Well, private?

TITO
No weapons, nothing, sir.

SPENCER
All right, you three. At ease, now.

DOCTOR
Thank you.

They step away from the wall and look around.

SPENCER
Why are you lot even here, anyway?

DOCTOR
We arrived entirely by accident. Erm, why are you here, sir?

TITO
Eh? We work here!

DOCTOR
Why are there armed security guards in Antarctica, hmmm? If I remember rightly, the Treaty of 1959 established this continent is terra communis?

SPENCER
Eh?

POLLY
He means everyone owns the South Pole.

TITO
Normally, Snowcap wouldn’t need guards, but now the Zed Bomb is here...

BEN
What is this Zed Bomb everyone’s talking on about?

SPENCER
The Zed Bomb! You know! The only thing worse than the A Bomb?

DOCTOR
Some sort of doomsday weapon?

TITO
Used right, a Zed Bomb could crack a planet in half. There are three of them, one is here, the others... for security reasons, you understand.

BEN
Great. Why put a huge bomb at the South Pole? I thought this is a rocking testing place, like the one in America. But half the people here are guards. It’s not like what you see on the telly, is it?

TITO
I don’t know what you see on your TV, friend. We’ve got the double the amount of the standard station personnel.

POLLY
I suppose the computers do all the work now? I can’t stand computers. How long have you been here?

SPENCER
Since October. We’ll swap shifts at the end of January, and after that the Antarctic Winter starts. Six months when it’s too dangerous to land a plane.

BEN
That’s just daft – it means if anyone cracks out here, it’d be six months before they could be replaced. What if they go crazy and try and set off the bomb?

ANDREWS
That’s why we’re here.

The others look up to see her standing in the doorway, gun still drawn.

BEN
And what if YOU crack?

Andrews steps closer, her voice threatening.

ANDREWS
You really want to find out, sailor boy?

She turns to face the others.

ANDREWS
I suppose you have a really good reason for telling three total strangers about the staffing of this secure installation.

SPENCER
Someone new to talk to, Sarge.

TITO
Besides, they’re here now. They can’t do any harm.

ANDREWS
They got in here, didn’t they? The one place on the planet it shouldn’t be possible to break into? Now, you can help me explain it to Cutler, we’re taking these losers up there

The Doctor crosses to the corner of the room where a small plastic Christmas tree sits. The old man frowns and turns to address the guards.

DOCTOR
Is it Christmas?

Andrews rolls her eyes.

ANDREWS
Where have you been? Of course it’s Christmas! December 24!

The Doctor frowns and shakes his head.

DOCTOR
December? But that means it’s high summer!

SPENCER
In Antarctica, yeah.

The Doctor indicates the monitor showing snow.

DOCTOR
But there’s a blizzard outside!

TITO
I know. Weird, huh? Still, there’s a new planet up there – all bets are off.

DOCTOR/BEN/POLLY
New planet?!

The security guards exchange disbelieving looks.


28. INT. TV STUDIO (DAY)

We see JOHN WAKEFIELD, an irritating soft-voiced presenter with a beard and spectacles, sitting in a groovy leather-backed chair. The set is minimalist with square spiral patterns and some pot plants. A logo says THE YEAR OF THE LAME DOG.

WAKEFIELD
...of 1985. Though Halley’s Comet did not bring either death or destruction last year, perhaps it was nothing but an omen for our new neighbor in space – named Nibiru, after the mythical Sumerian world that is the dead twin to Earth. Now, in the studio, we have Sir Gene Halderman – self-confessed ISC spin doctor and one of Austria’s finest minds in all matters non-terrestrial.

Wakefield turns his seat to face an identical seat. Sitting in it, uncomfortable, is an intelligent looking middle-aged man in a suit. This, as a caption notes, is SIR GENE HALDERMAN (ISC SPOKESMAN).

WAKEFIELD
Sir Gene, perhaps you can sum up the current situation in regards to ISC’s activities?

HALDERAN
You mean, what have we actually been doing about it?

Wakefield laughs sickeningly, taken aback at Halderman’s bluntness.

WAKEFIELD
If you like.

HALDERAN
The situation isn’t particularly difficult, in fact, most of the fear it generates is down to the sheer simplicity of it all. There are nine planets that we know of in our solar system. What we call Nibiru is a tenth planet, a rogue world, has entered our solar system and is hurtling through space straight towards us...

Wakefield leans in, interrupting.

WAKEFIELD
And, so, have ISC determined the precise cause of the planet’s movement?

HALDERAN
I rather think we should be focussing on the effects rather than cause.

WAKEFIELD
Surely that isn’t wise? What is this is the first swallow of spring, for example? What about other such rogue planets hurtling into the solar system? It is, after all, widely assumed that such an event wiped out the dinosaurs.

Halderman arches an eyebrow.

HALDERAN
The destruction of the dinosaurs, whatever its cause, occurred over sixty five million years ago. We have not been inundated with out of control planets in the intervening millennia and I feel it safe to say it’s not going to happen. Besides, even if that theory about the dinosaurs is correct, the object from space was an asteroid of some description. Certainly not an object the exact same size of Earth. If Nibiru were to strike, we have got more than an ice age to worry about.

WAKEFIELD
Which is presumably why the Zee Bomb Operation is starting?

HALDERAN
Zed Bomb.

WAKEFIELD
Sir Gene, please, this is no time to quibble over terminology. What are you intending to do about the tenth planet?

HALDERAN
The actual mechanics of the operation are well in public domain. Three Zed-class atomic devices fired, in series at Nibiru will trigger its total disintegration. If the tenth planet is annihilated at a certain point, not only will Earth be spared any radioactive fallout, but any debris will be so lacking in mass that they will harmlessly burn up in our atmosphere. The technical details and terminology I will spare you.

WAKEFIELD
For the viewers, eh, Sir Gene? Or security reasons?

HALDERAN
No, not really, it’s that I just can’t be bothered to explain it to an intellectual vacuum like you.

Wakefield sours.

- to be continued...